Story time thread.

[hosh]

Well seeing as the combined stress of my wife's sudden hatred for our home(even tho she picked it out, painted every room, and got new furniture for the whole place.) after only 4 months here, my computer mother board fried like cheap fast food, and going back to school after nearly 16 years away from a class room has got me down I figured I would get a topic going to entertain myself.


So I call to order this the first ever entertain Hosh thread....... or just a simple thing called story time.

I figure everyone has at least one good story in them, be it about there youth, or that raging party they went to last week and did more shots then they really should have. I am hoping this will not be another failed pathetic thread that teaches me I am a better lurker then actual community member. If nothing else it may allow people to share things they can't get off there chest with all there real life friends.

[Thlaylie]

First mistake you made was to let your wife "finish" your home.

Women are notorious fixers, I would not have any relationships without that being true.

The trick is to never let them finish because then they want to move onto the next project.

If she is still with you now, it is VERY important that you don't let her finish fixing you or she will bail.

[wormwood]

I wonder whose house she has decided she likes better? Perhaps you should interrogate on the matter, and make it clear that you can't simply refeather a nest on a whim because that costs money which is finite while whims are not.

[hosh]

Well sadly we have missed the point. I know females have the fix it issue but my wives fix it answer has always been move 4 months later. What this was all about was I had hoped people would share the funny or embarrassing stories they may have. You know the one time when I was drunk stories.

[psychichobo]

One time when I was at a house party and dancing like a fool, I noticed one guy was lying with his back to us on a cream sofa. I poked him and turned him over and he was vomiting all over the thing.

Not just any vomit, mind you, bright green vomit. We were doing a LOT of mixing that night.

So, everyone gathered round, and I tried to clean the sofa back, another the chair, whilst two people carried him up the stairs to the bathtub.

Now, they for some reason were carrying him feet first. And, near the top of the stairs, he predictably chooses this moment to throw up again, all over himself and the person carrying him.

The person carrying him from the head went 'Eurgh!' and dropped him, and the weight made the person carrying him from the feet also drop him as he slid right out of his hands.

He then slid down the stairs puking, before crashing in the middle of the hall.

Then he threw up again on the floor.


That night took a LOT of cleaning.

[Poly]

One upon a time I was on a date. This is about 14 years ago. We were skating in an area known as Bear Valley, through it runs Bear Creek. Trying my hand at romance, I took her for a walk down by the creek. When we got there we found a dead goose. She asked me to cut it's head off. I took a tri-knife I kept in my shoe out and enacted her will. I stuffed the head & neck of the goose in my hoodie pocket. She insisted that I wash my hands off in the river, so I did. We made our way up to the shopping center, and were struck by the spirit of innovation. I stuffed the goose neck inside a soda machine, in the place where you retrieve the soda. We started to skate away when we heard six gunshots. My date said "We are int he ghetto" and we kept skating. I think we both thought it was fireworks. Soon after the building was surrounded by police. They said if we didn't see anything that we should just go. I called my Mom for a ride. This was the first she had heard from me in a two days, I ran off to a concert the night before. All she could hear was the sirens. When she asked what happened I just joked about a mad gunman. It turns out he chased his wife into the Grocery store, shot & killed her & the manager, injured a few shoppers, then turned his wraith on himself. I never did find out what happened with my prank, I like to think it started the fight. "I could kill for a Dr.Pepper right about now." *Get's a goose head thrown in his lap*

[psychichobo]

I'm still trying to work out what kind of woman likes a man who decapitates goose corpses.

There's a few geese near me actually, maybe I should try my luck with some of the new students near here...

[Thlaylie]

Honk!

[psychichobo]

Honk if she's horny, more like.

That way I can find the geese easier...

[alice]

Oct 6, 2010 22:36:29 GMT Thlaylie said:

Honk!

Teehee

[Jaka]

Well I have a few stories that are vaguely funny.

The first is about my long gone friend Taylor.

A little back story on me and Taylor helps the story go so here are the facts. We met in cyber school and became friends because I thought she was hyper nad funny and I was a little depressed at the time. This will be one of those friendships I end up kicking myself for for an entire school year. Taylor turns out to be hyper emo and insane. In just 14 years of life she has done drugs, been a drunk, and been raped. (Not to mention her parents beat her and she has 3 mentally handicapped brothers she takes care of and three friends that died of brain cancer. Oh I almost forgot the 21 year old boyfriend on the internet.)

Now that you have the backstory, here is the rela story.
One day we are in Bio together laughing over somethign or other when she informs me out of the blue that she is bi-sexual. (Up to this point I had no clue.) I said okay not really sure how to respond. She asked me how I felt about it and I said I didn't know. 5 thoughts later she asked me to send her my picture which I had been dodging up to that point. I did, but ever since that point on till the end of our friendship I had no idea how to handle her. Ever since then I have always wished people wouldn't spring things like that on me. It baffles me and I don't know the proper way to respond besides okay.

A far cuter story is when I was 4 or so I stole a whole thing of vitamins and locked myself in a room with them and began to feast. (these were the good kind.) My mom found the door locked and asked me what I was doing. Childrne don't lie really and I told her. When she finally got the door open and asked me how many I ate I responded eleventeen. She called poison control and had to tell them eleventeen. ROFL

[Poly]

I've called the police on my Mother for trying to feed me Dinosaur Diarrhea when I was little.
They called back and asked her what we were having for dinner. It was Hamburger Helper.

[hosh]

Ahh now we have momentum.

Once a long long time ago I was working at a restaurant. Now my manager was a dick and he treated most of us like crap. Well after 4 months of being treated like a useful tool I get it into my head that something has to be done. Now as a child I had learned how to appropriate things that did not belong to me. It took me three days before I saw my opportunity, but when it came I jumped on it. You see my manager had left his keys unattended on a desk that day and they some how found there way into my pocket towards the end of the day. It was rather funny when he drove by asking me and a friend if we had seen his keys. I said no and after he drove off I pulled the full ring from my pocket and showed it to my buddy. We ended up tossing keys to the roofs of buildings over the course of the next week. Needless to say I found a new job for myself not long after.

[Custy]

Hahah, yeah when did you 'give' the manager back his keys?

Hmmmm one of the wierder times was when i had social services called on me...

It was back in grade 8 and me and some friends were screwing around in a backyard. A couple of them got out some cups and we started filling them up with water and throwing the water at one another. Well I saw one of my friends run up with a cup full of water so before he had a chance to drench someone i reach and tip the cup so it spills on the front of his pants... He got annoyed and in a very uncharacteristic rage moment he threw the mug at me and it smacked me right in the head. I go down and after a moment on the ground i notice blood dripping down my forehead. TUrns out he had thrown it hard enough to cut my skin and give me a mild concussion that gives me stitches. The next day at school my teacher asked me why i had the stitches and i (not knowing any better) said someone threw a mug at me and never elaborated as to who did it. So that afternoon im watching TV alone and the doorbell rings. Standing there are these 2 people from social services asking to talk to my parents, i tell them they are not there and they then ask how i got the scar. I tell them my friend threw a mug at me, a moment later my mother arrives and the three head into the living room to talk. Turns out the teacher decided to call Social services thinking something had happened at my home. My parents really didnt like her much after that, although I understand why she did it.

[Poly]

One time I was smoking with a bunch of friends. We were all seated in his backyard. They had a dog and it was running up and down the fence barking at the dog next door. The owner of that dog came out to yell at my friend (at the time) Steve. She was yelling about how he was a father and his kids were inside unattended and how smoking pot is second only to rapey murder in her book. My buddy tried to calm his dog down as she was yelling "Calm down girl." The neighbor was still rambling "...I should call social services and have your kids taken away again. You didn't learn a damn thing from last time- and don't tell me to calm down girl!"

Once I was waiting for my scene in the backroom of a middle school play. There were younger kids in the show, it was "King & I" so we had a bunch of elementary kids. Well as an older kid I was in charge of them. I didn't feel like playing hide & seek so I just sat on the stairs. The countdown got to about three. then I decided I wanted to play. I ran up the stairs at full speed and jumped over the side. The wall was about 3 feet tall so of course I didn't clear it. The drop on the other side, (I didn't look beforehand) was around 12 feet. I landed on the left side of my forehead. I blacked out immediately. When I came to, I heard tiny voices all around me. It was the kids. They rolled me over to see me better I open my eyes as they all screamed & ran away. I found my way to the bathroom & saw a huge goose egg over my eye. I was sent to the ER and made it back for my one line in the play "Walk on water?" since that day I haven't been able to raise my left eyebrow.

I'm sure we all know I was in group homes for five & a half years. This is one of the many stories that put me in the position to be locked away for all that time. I used to chief with my Brother down in his room, he & I butted heads & were each sent away. When I was in day treatment I'd still go to his room to smoke. One night, I made a gravity bong out of a two liter bottle & a bucket. I was blitzed. My Mom came downstairs when she heard me coughing. I tossed the two liter in the closet. She asked me what I was doing I said playing video games. It was 4 in the morning on a school night. She said she could see the smoke, forget smelling it, she could see it. I said I wasn't smoking. She only saw the bucket of water, she asked me "How are you getting high with just a bucket of water?" I was so amused I didn't say. She called up a(n) (on call) man in charge of my treatment, she asked him how I was doing it. He had no idea. I got on the phone with him and he tried to bargain with me. He said I wouldn't get in trouble if I just told them what I was doing. I didn't believe him, I didn't trust any of those bitches there. So they never found out haha.

[1deadcop]

getting high on water. classic

[alice]

Okay I have some stories too.

There was this one time, at band camp-

No, I'm just kidding XD I only have innocent childhood ramblings for you today.

I used to live in the middle of some woods in a place called Astley Hall. Because I was just a kid, I was only allowed to play on our little street, which was quite out of the way of ANYTHING, on account of it being in the middle of the woods XD

So there were a few kids living there in close proximity. I made friends with a girl called Jess, and we were practically joined at the hip every day. We would go out into the woods where there was a really really big pond, and make documentaries about the ducks on her camcorder. In the autumn we would make dens out of the leaves and branches on the ground, and when it snowed, the whole place was magical Me, her, my sister and her sister would often play outside together.

But there was another group of kids, and they didn't seem to like us for some reason. Emma M, Emma W, Ryan and Imogen were the mean kids who used to come and kick our dens down and make fun of us. I remember when I was 11, I went out on a 'date' with a boy for the first time ever (his Dad took us to the cinema XD) and my Mum had dressed me up for it. One of the Emmas laughed and said I looked like I was wearing a tea cosy, and made me cry. The next day, me and Jess had been collecting ladybirds in a butter tub, and we ha quite a lot. We were in the process of collecting leaves to put in for them to eat when the same Emma decided it would be fun to stamp on the tub of ladybirds and kill them all.

So we decided to get revenge by taking a water bottle and filling it with slimy green pond water, walked over to her (she was playing jacks on her driveway) and poured it over her hair. She jumped up, turned around and screamed 'you are the rats from HELL!' and ran inside, slamming the door. Then we legged it XD

The jokes started to get seriously out of hand after a while though. This was at the time of the anthrax scares, so Emma responded the next week by posting an envelope of white sherbert through Jess's front door. Her mum had the police over! Next, the pond had frozen over, and the streets were snowy, so all the kids were out on their sledges. The other kids were doing laps around the pond, and my sister ran in and pushed Emma's sledge so that it started to slide sideways onto the frozen pond. It slid out of control and came to a stop in the middle of the pond. She tried to stand up but the ice cracked, and in the end she had to be rescued by Ryan's Dad who brought a ladder

I've been remembering all of these little stories because recently I drove past Astley Hall and thought I'd take a look at it now. It's been 9 years since I moved away, and now half the trees have been knocked down and made into a car park because they've made the old dam house into tea rooms and a nursery. Emma still lives there- she's now 19 and has a kid. I know this because my friend who was in the car with me happened to point at her house and say 'Ugh she's a right slag who lives there-' and proceeded to tell me how his brother used to go out with her and what she's doing now. Not a great deal by the sounds of it

[Poly]

Holy shit, Alice. Your stories have reminded me of when I was a kid.

One time I threw a Koosh ball at my friend Johnathan's head. He got mad and picked up a beer bottle and bounced it off my head. We were 11 or so at the time. My head split open and I needed stitches. We took the case to the local police department, me, him, my mom & his mom. The fucking police said I had instigated the attack by hurling a missile first. Not a Koosh ball, not a projectile. They said I threw a missile at him & he got off smelling like a rose.

Another time, another kid... It's crazy I don't even remember why but I threw a flat head shovel at him like a javelin as he was running away from me. I got him square in the back and it knocked him to the ground. He has a huge mark where it hit. Oh I remember, him & his brother used to throw rocks at me. It was kinda of a blur because we were always fighting/getting along it's hard to say what the offense was.

One time I was trying to show a kid how to balance a soda can when most of it is empty. I accidentally drank too much so I finished it of and asked him to run in his house & fill it with water. When he came out the whole can was full. I said that's way too much! I went to drink it, he had filled it with peppermint schnapps. We got really drunk then got his little cousin drunk. I still feel bad for that.

All the neighborhood kids would plan a massive hide & seek within the neighbor hood. We would hide in other peoples back yards. Just random neighbors, we didn't even think to ask any of them if they cared. One of our porches would be base. So if they find you you can run to base before they touch you & you won't be out. I would carry Christmas lights with me, the ones about an inch & a half big. When they found me I'd run like hell & throw light bulbs at the ground before their feet. It would make a popping sound as the glass shattered. In hindsight that's kinda fucked up too.

I used to run around, this was when I was a little older, 12 or so. I would steal "Chromies" off all the cars in my neighborhood. If you haven't heard the term they are the metal cap covering the valve on the tires. So I got four per car. The thing is, for me to be able to take them- the owner must be home. The owner was my bullies older brother. I never knew the dude existed up to that day he was so much older than me. He ran out side and asked for them back, I pulled out my baggie full of about 40 or so & he took the whole damn thing. I was so shaken I had to walk my bike home. My foot was out of control, haha.

One time I was standing on the roof. I lived in a single parent home so I was unsupervised most of the time. I was egging the kids to egg me on to jump off. It was just on the edge of the garage so it was only a 14 feet drop or so. With ninja like silence my Brother had climbed up there as well and snuck behind me. When I went to the edge to see if it was something I think I could do or not, he pushed me. I landed on my foot sideways and couldn't walk without crutches for about eight weeks afterward.