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Post by Poly on Oct 14, 2010 5:25:08 GMT
"Excuses are like assholes. Everyone's got one. Everyone's stinks." -Platoon
When I am at work I usually lighten the mood by coming up with funny reasons to either call in sick or go home early. I can start you off with a few of mine, but I'd love to hear what you guys can come up with. This doesn't have to be just for my two reasons, it could be an excuse for anything really.
Calling in sick
ME: I can't come in tonight I think my water just broke.
THEM: I'll mark you down as a call in.
(The next day at work)
THEM: So I hear you had a little emergency last night?
ME: False alarm. Turns out I can't hold my bladder when I'm drunk.
Leaving early
ME @ 2 in the morning: I just remembered I have to go at 2:30, I'm getting married!
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Post by salamut2202 on Oct 14, 2010 5:42:00 GMT
i often wonder of excuses if anyone were to get caught mid masturbation.
"ah, i was counting my penis, 1. all accounted for"
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Post by Poly on Oct 14, 2010 5:49:32 GMT
Great job, Sal. ^
Excuses for crying
"Right when you said that, something flew into both of my eyes."
"Man, my eyes are sweating up a storm today."
Excuses for being late
"I had to come up with a good excuse so I could stay home for just enough time to get high again."
"I was trying to find a way to get out of having to be here."
"There was an infomercial on TV and I lost track of time."
"I figured if you were here, I could snoop around your house a little. Nice place BTW."
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Post by psychichobo on Oct 14, 2010 20:15:56 GMT
My favourite: 'Sorry, I was late because I couldn't be bothered getting up.'
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Post by Poly on Oct 14, 2010 20:21:18 GMT
One time my Dad called in sick saying he had problems with his eyes. They let him stay home.
If they had asked what was wrong he was going to say "I just can't see myself coming in today."
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Post by salamut2202 on Oct 14, 2010 20:52:49 GMT
"i wasn't kissing her, she saw something in my teeth and tried to get it out. with her tongue."
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Post by alice on Oct 15, 2010 0:51:01 GMT
One of my favourites is simply 'girl problems'.
It gets you out of anything, and nobody asks.
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Post by Poly on Oct 15, 2010 1:43:59 GMT
I'll try that one when I call in sick so I can go to my Halloween party! Thanks Alice. 
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Post by alice on Oct 16, 2010 2:24:20 GMT
No probs!  |
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Post by Dangeresque on Oct 17, 2010 7:42:06 GMT
This guy (who is the biggest, most obnoxious tag-along) wanted me to come over to his place. I said I couldn't because I was "Washing my hair" that day.
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Post by FungusA on Oct 17, 2010 11:49:04 GMT
Excuse for a K-hole: I was practicing for the zombie walk.
Excuse for getting off my face stoned: I was testing out these patterned contacts
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Post by Poly on Oct 17, 2010 13:42:33 GMT
Excuses for needing more time off
"I have my lamaze classes tomorrow."
"I can't work tomorrow, I'm job hunting."
"I'm trying out for the Olympics. I'm one of those ribbon wavers."
Excuses for running somebody over
"I was having that Chanel St. James dream again"
"You know in this light you kinda do look like a terrorist."
"I was trying not to hit that plastic bag that was flying around."
Excuses for premature ejaculation
"I accidentally thought about your sister again."
"Something about disappointing you really turns me on."
"You shouldn't have touched me during sex, you know better!"
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