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Post by pwndabearr on Dec 12, 2010 4:07:56 GMT
I have been faced with an emotional roller coaster that has not seen it's end yet. It is a long story but if your willing to read it I would love to hear your thoughts. As a heads up the problem involves girlfriends, and love and all that stuff. So if I get a least one person to reply and say they will give their input then I will take the time to type out my situation. Many thanks.
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Post by hosh on Dec 12, 2010 6:24:43 GMT
Well then type away little bear friend and we shall try to endeavor to help.
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Post by pwndabearr on Dec 12, 2010 6:56:59 GMT
I shall start from the beginning. The summer of freshman year I started dating a girl. We got along really well and things were swell. Then my mom kicked me out of the house and sent me to live with my dad on the other side of the state. It really sucked having to do long distance and I longed to see her again. Finally I was able to move back to where I was before but with my grandparents. I was finally able to see her again and with my return after so long our relationship became as intimate as it gets.
Things were different though. Having been torn away from my friends without being able to say goodbye and taken to a place I didn't want to be, I had become depressed during the entire 6 months I was there. When I came back I wasn't really the same person as I was before. Things just weren't the same, so after some time I broke up with her.
After some time went by and I was able to recover we got back together. During our time apart though I had started becoming better friends with a girl from band. I made no note of it at the time but eventually I discovered that I liked her. I ended up making the blind decision of breaking up with her again for this other girl. Although I did get into a relationship with girl #2 it didn't last long.
After that occurance I went back to girl #1 and after a while I broke up with her again but this time there was actually a problem. After being with her so many times, I started noticing a lot of her flaws. She was angry all the time, way to emotional, jealous, etc. These scared me away and once again we broke up. We stayed friends and we talked about how we needed to both needed to work out some things about us and try to improve ourselves as people.
Once we felt ready we tried dating again. But from our points of view non of us changed at all. After a while we both agreed to break up again.
So that is 4 times dating and 4 times breaking up. The issue now at hard is that a 5th time is possibly poking it's head out. Now after all that you would obviously say not to do it because the results would be the same. But this time things have really changed a lot.
A lot of the flaws I have seen in her have disappeared or I have started to realize that they weren't anything bad to begin with. I have changed a lot myself in that I am not as cold hearted, I don't ignore her when we are hanging out etc. I used to think the whole problem was her without realizing that I was part of the problem too.
So now it has come down to the point. Do I want to try getting back with her and really try to make it work or is it time to move on? Here is some of the things that I have to think about when deciding if she would be good for me or not...
She is loyal as hell. When she is with someone, she is with someone. She would never consider cheating. Even through all the back and forth that I have taken her through she still loves me and cares a lot for me. She is hard working, has set goals for herself, has her head screwed on the right way, takes an interest in my hobbies, she is cute, a lot of fun, and knows me better then anyone and everything about me. She also doesn't want to have kids like me, which is a really big thing that I look for.
As of now she is interested in another guy but she still likes me as well. She likes me more, but she is scared that the same thing as before will happen and we will break up again, and rightly so. She doesn't want to go through that mental strain anymore.
The other thing is that since we broke up I have moved back with my Dad (willingly this time) to go to college. In a week I will be visiting her. We have both decided that it will be good for us to see each other again and be able to see for ourselves if the other has really changed. Even if we both decide that we want to be together again there is the problem of long distance, but I am not too worried about that because I am sure we will figure something out if we really want it to work.
So now the choice. Do I want to get back with her again and really try to get the best out of a potentially awesome relationship or is it time for me to move on?
Thoughts about what I should do or things I should look into? Questions that might help you give better advice? I really need the help and some outside and neutral input.
Many thanks ^w^
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Post by Dangeresque on Dec 12, 2010 10:15:29 GMT
TL;DR
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THAT WAS THE JOKE
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NOW I'M AN ARSEHOLE...
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Post by Magical Baker on Dec 12, 2010 13:26:16 GMT
You know, considering that you've already broken up 4 times(?) I wouldn't try making it work on any level other than friends.
That's all I have to say.
Cheers!
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Post by Captain Malachi on Dec 12, 2010 13:30:49 GMT
Honestly? If you didn't keep breaking up with her every five minutes she might have less reason to be angry and jealous. I'm not trying to be mean, just making a point.
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Post by pwndabearr on Dec 12, 2010 16:11:36 GMT
Honestly? If you didn't keep breaking up with her every five minutes she might have less reason to be angry and jealous. I'm not trying to be mean, just making a point. I know, I realized that. Part of how I was saying that I started realizing a lot of the problem wasn't just her it was me too. |
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Post by Trygon on Dec 12, 2010 19:52:35 GMT
TL:DR
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Post by FungusA on Dec 12, 2010 20:36:57 GMT
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.
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Post by pwndabearr on Dec 12, 2010 20:40:28 GMT
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Post by Thlaylie on Dec 12, 2010 22:19:46 GMT
I would go back out with her.
It took awhile for me to realize that the one that kept on trying would be the best at taking care of me because she really cared about that.
Oh Crap, I think I just ruined my Rep again.
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Post by pwndabearr on Dec 12, 2010 22:54:24 GMT
Thanks for your opinions Hellbreaker and Thlaylie.
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Post by hosh on Dec 12, 2010 23:50:34 GMT
Thlaylie I'm pretty sure by and far you do not have this mythical rep you speak of in the first place good buddy.
Pwanda, do not take advice from me at first glance but mull it over and apply what you can to your life, Lord knows I done screwed up (Still the only man I know who has been told that my cheating may have been the best thing for the relationship so I even my screw ups have silver lining,) more then my share of relationships. You have to ask yourself three things. One, do you feel she loves you or is she the kind of girl who needs to be hurt to feel like she is worthwhile. Two, do you love her or are you afraid someone else is gonna steal your fall back snack pack. Three, and this is most important, take a long look and ask your self if the two of you can be emotionally and financially stable individuals in a committed relationship. Otherwise your going to be just fucking and then you should be honest with her from the start and not try to make it more then it is.
Now more importantly for me, love the change bro, you seem to be a much more personable person as a panda.
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Post by psychichobo on Dec 13, 2010 0:09:07 GMT
Dun worry Thlaylie, that was a reasonable point.
Firstly, you need to take a good look at yourself. Splitting up 4 times should be a serious indication of whether something can work or not - you both seem to agree that you're both incompatible relationship wise.
You have on numerous occasions split up until you feel that you're ready again - but each time the other person has said 'you're not ready'.
Personal question: How old are you? If you're in your teens then there's a chance you will change again and again, and it's difficult to determine what you'll be like in the future. Long distance relationships are also tricky - they can work, but you've already got some shaky foundations.
I would see how you are together when you meet up again, but I don't think a relationship is something you need to really aim towards just yet. You need to firmly establish first whether you two are really compatible and don't try and push it - or else it'll end in heartbreak again.
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Post by pwndabearr on Dec 13, 2010 4:59:46 GMT
@hosh Thanks for the advice. They are all things that I have thought about before. It is nice to know that my line of thinking is in the right area. psychichoboThat has been one of the main points on the side of "move on". It has gone through my head over and over and over again. But I still come to the point that we have both changed a lot. I know a lot of people will try to convince themselves of that, but I am honest when I say this. And it wasn't so much her who changed, but more me. She has been fine, and for the most part, not been a part of the problem. I have finally owned up to my mistakes. Realized my downfalls, and sake forgiveness for my actions. I was trying too hard to make her perfect. I had to realize that there is no such thing. With that realization she became a lot more to me, because although she is not perfect, she is a lot. And that is worth amounts unknown. But alas, our meeting and our being able to see each other again will be the true decider. There will be no rush into anything, no pressure to do anything. We shall hang out and enjoy each others company. Allow ourselves to meet each other once again. Also, to answer your question I am 18. |
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Post by wormwood on Dec 13, 2010 16:21:43 GMT
I like to tell people to thik about the thing a potential mate does that annoys you most.
Now imagine they will do nothing but that for the rest of your life.
Are you OK with that?
If not, forget about it!
This girl you keep getting together with and dumping is what some folks call a fall back girlfriend. She's the girl you want to be with when you don't have other options presenting themselves.
That's not going to work out for any length of time because you don't particularly want to be with her, and any time you have a chance to dump her for some other girl who looks more interesting, you do it.
It looks to me like you've got a lot of crap to work out about yourself, and how you exploit others to make yourself happy.
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Post by Thlaylie on Dec 14, 2010 6:36:35 GMT
Actually hosh I was insinuating that I put up a caring post as opposed to my normal ones,
But thanks for playing.
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Post by hosh on Dec 14, 2010 20:01:14 GMT
OOH OOH do I at least get the home game as a consolation prize.
Well hope everything goes well for Pwanda either way.
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Post by Thlaylie on Dec 14, 2010 21:22:02 GMT
It's a common occurrence when one of the newer members takes a stab at one of the veteran members using feigned familiarity. It's like that guy at the party that comes up to your group and starts chatting like he knows you but doesn't know what he's talking about, Just like that. www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvUZijEuNDQ |
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Post by hosh on Dec 15, 2010 0:23:51 GMT
More like when you have that one jerk friend but he is your groups designated jerk friend that your all stuck with, then when one of the buddies kid nephews calls him out on it everyone tries to pretend it didn't happen and the jerk friend makes an ass of himself because he is trying to match wits with a nine year old. Jerk friend vs. nine year old ...... fight!!
Now on to a more relevant note, so when you gonna be able to make the next move on this young lady because if you can manage the Christmas "I am sorry I was a jerk before but I am a thoughtful and caring man so please take me back" gift you should be off to a good start.
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